


Living Vicariously

by torigates



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:44:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only took Barney showing up at his apartment with ten thousand stamps before he figured out what was going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living Vicariously

  
Ted wasn’t an idiot.

Not much of one, anyway. It only took Barney showing up at his apartment with ten thousand stamps before he figured out what was going on.

Here’s the thing: Ted can totally understand why Barney _would_ fall in love with Robin. Everyone was a little bit in love with her. And Robin and Barney _were_ kind of perfect for each other once Ted stopped and thought about it.

That didn’t make it any less weird. It was Robin—the woman Ted thought he was going to marry (well, one of the women) and _Barney_.

Ted got why Barney hadn’t said anything. For one, it was _Barney_. For another, Ted’s last reaction wasn’t exactly what he would call supportive and encouraging.

He had been mad at Barney because he thought it was just another one night stand for him. Of course Ted wasn’t going to stop his friend from being happy.

So Ted started noticing things. The way they sat next to each other in the booth. The way Barney laughed too long and too hard at her jokes. The way he looked at her and talked to her.

There was no denying it—Barney was in love with Robin.

 

 

 

Marshall had gone home from the night (Lily still wasn’t speaking to Barney). Ted was hanging out at their booth with Barney and Robin. Or rather he was watching as Barney hung on to Robin’s every wood. Every so often Robin would shoot Ted funny looks.

It was so like Robin to be completely oblivious.

She got up to pay her tab. “Dude,” Ted said. “What is wrong with you?”

“What?” Barney asked in what Ted knew he considered to be his ‘tough’ voice.

Ted shook his head. “Nothing,” he said.

“All right boys,” Robin said when she returned. “Try not to miss me too much.”

Barney (there was no other way to put it) gazed adoringly at her. Robin didn’t notice.

This was getting ridiculous. “That’s it,” Ted said once she was gone. “Let’s do something crazy.”

A slow grin broke out over Barney’s face. “Yes!” he said. “Yes, Ted.”

Ted couldn’t help but grin. Barney was crazy, but when he got excited about things, Ted couldn’t help but get excited about them too.

“Okay, this is going to be awesome. S – ”

“I’m not going to suit up,” Ted deadpanned.

“Fine,” Barney said completely unfazed. He had to be used to Ted’s refusal to put on a suit by this point in their friendship.

“So what do you want to do?” Ted asked. “And nothing with strippers,” he continued when Barney opened his mouth.

“That only cuts out about half our options,” he told Ted.

Ted half-listened as Barney started listing off possible activities for the night, and caught Wendy the Waitress’ attention. “Shots,” he said interrupting Barney mid-sentence. “And keep them coming.”

Barney grinned.

That was one of the last things Ted remembered.

Here is what else Ted remembered:

Barney introducing him to a girl (“Haaave you met Ted?”), more shots, briefly making out with said girl, shots, stumbling out of the bar with Barney sometime after three.

The rest was blank.

At least that was the story Ted told his kids.

 

 

 

Here is what really happened:

Barney and Ted stumbled out of McLaren’s just after three.

“Dude,” Barney slurred. “You totally could have taken that chick home,” he paused. “And nailed her!” He raised his arm for a high five and immediately lost his balance.

Ted grabbed his arm to keep him from falling.

“Thanks,” Barney said.

“You know,” Ted said thoughtfully as they made their way down the street (looking back Ted was never sure where exactly they were going). “I haven’t seen _you_ take anyone home lately.”

Barney waved his hand in a vague gesture. “That’s crazy. I take tons of women home,” he paused. “I am a sex god.”

“Sure,” Ted said. “A sex god who is in love with Robin.”

“So you I’m – ” he broke off. “I am not in love with Robin. That’s crazy. Insane. Ridiculous. Crazy.”

Suddenly Ted felt angry. It wasn’t that Barney was keeping his feelings from Ted—that Ted could understand. It was that he was keeping his feelings from himself. Ted would have done almost anything to be in love, and Barney was just _wasting_ it.

Ted turned and pushed Barney up against a nearby wall. “You are in love with her.”

Barney sputtered. “That’s crazy. No, I’m not!”

“You are in love with her and you know it. I know it.”

Barney shook his head and opened his mouth. Ted stepped closer, cutting him off. “You are so lucky and you don’t even realise it. I know I gave you a hard time before – ”

“I’m not in love with Robin!” Barney shouted.

Ted was drunk. He was angry and he was determined.

“You are in love with her,” he said stepping even closer. There was next to no space between them. “Do you want to know how I know?” he asked. “It’s not the way you’re always looking at her, or sitting next to her, or getting jealous when she sees other men, or the way you haven’t been bringing women home.”

“It’s not?” Barney asked.

“Nope. It’s the way you wanted my gay dreams to be about you.”

“W-What?” Barney asked. “Ted, that is completely ridiculous. That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Sure it does,” Ted told him. “You want to be close to Robin, but you’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid,” he protested.

“You are afraid,” Ted stepped closer again. Their bodies were touching. “You can’t be close to her, so you want to be close to me. _I’ve_ been close with her. Touching her,” he leaned in to whisper in Barney’s ear. “Kissing her. I’ve _been_ with her. You’ve only had sex with her.”

Barney groaned.

“You’re jealous,” Ted told him. “I’m all you can get.”

Their bodies were pressed so close, there was no more room for Ted to lean forward. Instead Ted kissed him.

He expected Barney to jerk back, react violently, and in a way he did. He grabbed the back of Ted’s arms and kissed him back. Hard.

The truth was Barney was in love with Robin, yes. But Ted realised that after Barney and Robin slept together it wasn’t Robin Barney was fighting for—it was Ted. And maybe they were all a little in love with Robin, it was hard not to be. Maybe they were all a little in love with each other.

“I’ve touched her,” Ted whispered his hand palming Barney’s erection.

Barney groaned again.

“I know every part of her body,” Ted continued. “Kissed it, licked it. Everything you want to do but can’t, I’ve done it.”

Barney leaned forward into Ted’s touch before turning them. Ted felt his back pressed up against the wall behind him, felt Barney pressed up in front of him.

“Everything you want from her, I’ve had it,” he said.

“Shut up,” Barney bit out and kissed Ted again, biting at his lips.

Ted kissed back. Everything was a flurry of hands, touches and moans.

“Ted,” Barney gasped.

“You want her, but all you get is me,” he said, his words sending Barney over the edge.

“Oh god,” Barney choked out. “ _Ted_.”

“I got you,” Ted said propping Barney up. “I got you.”

They stood like that for a long time before Ted got Barney a cab home.

The next day when Robin asked him how his night was, Ted just grinned and said “Good.” 


End file.
